This year has been truly difficult so far and it can really only get better. In fact, there is much to look forward to such as our first baby, becoming a family and marrying Mr N in October. Sometimes though it can be hard to stay positive.
Going through a big hiccup in the road, along with my pregnancy, it has been hard to recover instantly so close to her due date. A suggestion that I started to receive CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) was recommended by my G.P.
CBT is a type of talking treatment that focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes affect your feelings and behaviour. Teaching you coping skills for dealing with different problems, it combines cognitive therapy (meaning examining the things you think or recall) and behaviour therapy (examining the things you do) together.
Along with this training, I found some helpful and inspirational quotes to guide me through every day. I wanted to share these with you, whether you have a bad day, week or period in your life, I hope these help you like they do me.
I have been so lucky to have a good support network of friends and family and everyone’s advice is different; their journeys have been diverse. It’s worth remembering we are not all the same, if not unique, in our own lives.
Listen for guidance, however, you know what is best for you. I still ask Mr N for his opinion on something because I can’t see through the fog in my head, nonetheless, we are sharing this journey together.
This one, I needed reminding of more than anything. It can be very difficult to switch off, unable to stop processing situations that have occurred in the past. It can be so simple to hang onto thoughts, feelings, past judgments, but this just clouds your mind. However, you can change it! We don’t have time machines to go back to change things, but on the other hand, we can learn from it, becoming stronger to be happier.
How terrible is it to think we spend most of our lives worrying about other people’s opinions. The only judgment that matters is yours; don’t let other people define you or your reality. You know yourself also what’s going on better than anyone. Nevertheless, do not let hurtful words or situations define you. If you do, you will start believing that you are that person, when deep down you aren’t.
The most important thing I have been taught through the CBT is that certain feelings are only temporary. At the time sitting on the sofa all day seems like a good idea, furthermore you want to do it because your mood level is low, dictating your actions, however, when reality hits, still have to get up to live your life. A short-lived feeling, as the song, says ‘Things can only get better’. It doesn’t seem it but it will, you will forget eventually why you felt this way.
My feelings of this are: if people are judging you, they are only criticising you based on themselves. Whether they know it or not, it goes back to what was said earlier about only you understanding what you are going through, feeling plus experiencing. People’s opinions do not matter, neither do their judgments.
How true is this? The more you overthink, the further the sadness can overcome once again clouding the mind. Admittedly, I am the worst for overthinking; starting to talk about problems, feelings and venting what was happening helped.
It is better to offload. A good reminder is to stop thinking about the negative as well as focus on the positives, no matter how small. Washing the dishes, for instance, a sense of achievement, or going to that art exhibition you wanted to see.
Finding your happy is within yourself. Only you can find it – let go of what makes you unhappy, which is what the other quotes have been pointing towards. With everything that has happened at the beginning of this year, I needed to let go of what wasn’t making me happy, consequently, looking inside for the truth, not what others told me. It has allowed me to become resolved by studying something I wanted to get into also doing the enjoyable hobbies such upcycling, something that was impossible to do previously.
These are probably becoming similar due to those relating to finding happiness from inside, therefore improving feelings or situations. During the CBT learning, you will focus on being positive, working towards doing positive things for yourself. By learning to form room in everyday life, it enables pleasurable elements which are the positive activities. A pleasurable exercise could be your favourite hobby or by achieving something positive today, reward yourself with little treats such as a favourite coffee. Try it!
This one is a hard one for me. Left without a choice in order to be healthy for my own mind’s sake, quitting was the only option. At first, my thoughts were I had failed, myself, my family, and Mr N, however, on this occasion that was not true.
Depending on the situation, everything people experience will be different, this quote could be used when feeling the need to quit, possibly a hobby, that might be difficult to crack (for those who know me – knitting!) Continue working until it has been accomplished, (Getting on the knitting pro ladder) It is about believing in yourself.
I hope this has helped and inspired you towards feeling more positive. Everyone’s situation is different, as mentioned before, yet needing to talk is a valuable way to heal, with plenty of support out there. Living in Gloucestershire, there is a service called 2gether available through referral from a G.P. It is honestly productive. However, the option to do this privately is available if preferable. The best productive exercise I found was writing down the day, such as feelings, frustrations and positives. At the beginning, it felt foolish, nevertheless, looking back through these it may become clearer on noticing positives that were not there before.
At the same time, I am also reading Fearne Cotton’s book Happy and it’s incredibly insightful. Reading through her experiences along with handy tips, it began to hit home, what she was saying was recognisable. Help and support are out there, be brave and when feeling strong enough to face those demons, gain the guidance required. We are not alone, it will rectify itself, the journey continues for myself as I am still not 100% there, however in time this will pass.